Do not wait for the last judgement

kkjhjk

Wed, 05 Oct 2005 22:50:27 GMT

Your Summer Anthem is Best Of You by the Foo Fighters

I've got another confession my friend
I'm no fool
I'm getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new

While you may seem bright on the outside, your insides have a distinct angst flavor.

What's Your 2005 Summer Anthem?

new username

Thu, 09 Jun 2005 23:51:15 GMT

Yes, I got a new username, once again, dont ask me why. Its EndItQuick. Thats the one I shall be updating in from now on

hmm...

Tue, 31 May 2005 20:30:58 GMT

yes..hes probably about 25
Ok well..im updating. And I would like to announce..that I like Michael. I know *rolls eyes* another guy thats too old for me. LOl, its all good. That first day I talked to him for like over 2 hours, we sorta hit it off, and it was nice. But u know, I figured its cuz he regognized me and knew my brother, then he had no interest what so ever in me..but I wasnt really sure, because he was being REALY nice. so then, yesterday I walk outside..and hes standing there..lmao. Im wearing a black hoodie and my yellow monkey pj pants..he looks at me..looks down at my pants, Smiles. Ok well..I was a little embarrassed because..I was in pjs, but i like them so oh well. so I walk over and hes like "hey..whats up?" I just shake my head and say "absolutely nothing.." and then we stand there...in silence for a few. Then hes like "well...Im gonna go.." me:"ok..." and he starts to walk away. He stops, walking over to my dad and asks if the red Lumina is for sale (my brothers car) ok..well he had already asked me that before..but w/e. And my dad said he wasnt sure, that he would ask my brother. So then hes like "ok..well...Ill stop by tommarow.." looks at me "see ya." Hm..Ok, well now Im confused. yes, we talked for 2 hours at the baseball game..but then again he had to stay there and watch his..nephew or brother or someone play anyways. Then he did come to my house...but then again, he asked about a car to..but he made it sound like kinda an afterthought..and hes coming back today..Im excited. lol.I wonder if he likes me..or Im just being stupid, hes too old anyways..eh..damnit. lol. After he leaves my dads like "friend of urs?" me:"uh....not really...a friend of Erics.." my dad: " I figured he was a friend of urs..by the stupid metal on his face.." lol metal as in..eyebrow ring, and tongue ring. lol I think its hot...so yea..we'll see i hope i get a chance to really talk to him..even if u know..theres nothing. OH YEA! did I forget to mention, hes related to my bus driver, so when I got on the bus, Rons like "so...Michael tells me u are "COOL"" lol..YAY! but then he tells me Michael gets into alot of trouble...bla ..hes like a 3rd parent.

I know its been forever

Sat, 28 May 2005 19:48:31 GMT

Laura pointed out that I havent updated in forever. That is because I dont have anything good to write about, and tryin to think about what happend during the day only makes things worse. eh...I feel like shit. Laura..sorry for being such a bitch/mom lately...

wtf

Sat, 21 May 2005 11:59:39 GMT

where the hell did the tweezers go????????

haha

Sat, 21 May 2005 11:58:47 GMT

You Crackhead!
Man, you're not a drug, you're a straight up crack
head. Maybe you should consider putting down
that goddamn pipe of yours and going to rehab
before you kill your last brain cell. Want some
motivation? Listen to George W for a little
while. Crack is BAD, mmmkay?

What Illegal Drug Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

hahahhahha

Mon, 16 May 2005 00:01:38 GMT

LOL. Carson says "this next one is gonna make all the adults hate me and all the kids love me" other guy "I think thats already the case..." Carson,"yea...if you are a 15 year old girl right now, you love me". other guy,"uh..yea, but remember he doesnt love you!..so put that pen and paper back down" Carson, *cough*"thats right...but if ur 18..." lmao OMG...thats sooo true..I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT LOVED CARSON! DAMN YOU OTHER WHORES! CARSON IS MINE! carson "this is so fun, I know im supposed to leave, but i fucking cant...I DONT WANNA LEAVE!" other guy "its ok...you can stay, we got an extra mic." carson "sweet, now give me a fucking cigarette"

Dont take him off the radio...I LOVE CARSON! lmao...

other guy: .....there gonna be at medowbrook in august

Carson:WHEW...LETS SMOKE SOME WEED

other guy: *laugh* *cough* I dont think u can say that on air...

Dont worry, that chick is jus some stripper he had for his b-day. LOL

CARSON!

A DRUNK MEXICAN!!! ok...back to Carson...

A...slightly drunk Carson

A TOTALLY FUCKED UP Carson!

SO yea...if you dont think Carson is Hot, Then FUCK YOU ALL! Hes really really funny too...hahahaha..If I ever get a fake ID I will so go to his next wtf ever you call it...at the machine shop or somthin, jus so I can see him!

on a list of the worse tee-shirts

Sun, 15 May 2005 14:02:57 GMT

4) Over the Hill

Perfect for Bingo and prostate exams!

That's right. Advertise that you're ready to die. Since you started advertising your willingness for death, we should be allowed to shoot you, run you down with our cars, or light on you on fire in your sleep. Fair is fair. I don't see why everyone is bitching about overpopulation. Here's the solution. Every 4 years, the same as election, we have open season on old people. It'll be mandatory to at least shit on some old guy's lawn, so pussies and children won't have an excuse to sit this out. Old people are always uppity about their lawns being perfect, so this is the least you can do. Can you imagine a neigborhood with only one old guy? He'd have at least 20 shits on his lawn. Families would go together. He'd get all angry like old men do, screaming at them to stop shitting on his lawn. But what can he do? He's old. So they shit anyways while he threatens to get a rake of call the police. But they won't help, as they'll be handing out guns and enforcing the anti-old people legislation by administering lethal beatings to errant seniors.

Oh man, that would be awesome.

I wish I was sleeping

Sat, 14 May 2005 23:43:50 GMT

theres absolutely nothing to do here. My dads sleeping, my sisters gone, and Im sittin here hyper as hell, wishin I wasnt. Yup, Im not tired, but i really want to sleep. I shouldnt have taken those fuckin pills, cus right now I wanna sleep. I also want to be not sick anymore, I thought i was gettin better, but fuck i was wrong

haha

Sat, 14 May 2005 19:41:20 GMT

Dude...today alisha came over and we were hella bored, so then we called her dad and he came and picked us up and dropped us off in BC then we went to the park. After that we went to the pharmacy and bought some pop and candy. After that we headed to Bens in the pooring fucking rain. Bought some redbull and we were gonna buy some Vivarins (caffeine pills for all you fuckers that dont know) but we werent sure if they would be suspicious, so I just stole them. Alisha made sure to pick the biggest pack, then she meets up with me and IM like dude...give them to me, then I shove them in my pocket. We walked over to dollar general..chugged some redbull and took some caffeine pills, and bought some silly string and turtles (candy). went back to her house and had a silly string fight, and took some more Vivarins.

SO yea...today I have had some watermelon pucker (which was pretty good, but we didnt have very much) and like 5 vivarins...and for all you who know how sensitive to caffeine i am, know how hyper I am right now. I really want to talk to someone right now, but Lauras not home and i know cynthias not, and nobody cool is online. DAMNIT!. So happy and stuff right now. OH! and I ate some candy, the first time Ive been able to eat in like 3 days..YEA! I dont wanna risk it though...so im good for the day.

today was a pretty happy day

Fri, 13 May 2005 00:57:30 GMT

Today was a weird and yes kinda happy day. I laughed alot today, but it also feel like I learned alot today. No, not as in I payed attention in class and learned alot, but just about like myself I guess. Im really quite bad at explaining. But alot of things hit me today, and I realized some things. First me and Katie talked, we always get into serious conversations, and shes the only person it seems I talk to about serious things. We basically talked about just shit thats going on, then about her and her bf's problems, and her home problems as well as mine. Then we somehow got on the topic of me. She was making alot of sense about everything and she was giving some advice really without realizing it, yet she didnt seam to be preaching. So it was good. Then she ended up just saying "you know, when I first saw you I thought you were a really pretty girl, and I still do, but idk...I guess I just have too high of expectations on people" and this may sound cheezy or gay to you, but it was really a serious-nongay moment. and then she continued by saying "and I knew I wanted to be friends with you, your just not at all the person I expected you to be. When I realized about all the shit you have done and stuff..Im just like damn. I know it doesnt seem like a big thing to you, mabye Im just to much of a good girl...Idk...I just expect more of people" this made me feel bad..and yes she stressed the part about me being really pretty, but I just felt bad that I cant live up to her expectations...I wish i could be the persone she wishes I was. This hole thing made me sad. I told her if she really needs to get away from her parents again, she could come to my house and her reply kinda hurt me even more. She said "I have nothing against you, and you are a really good friend of mine, but from the people you hang out with and the things you talk about, even about your dad, I wouldnt want to get caught with anything,not even a little pot." I said that that would not happen and that I actually dont smoke that much, and that even if somethin happend it wouldnt come back to her. and she just said "I know..I just dont want that kind of shit on my record or whatever." Damn..why does she think of me that way..I told her I dont really smoke just you know sometimes, which has become more frequint lately than Id like it to be, and that I dont do anything really bad. But somehow she just is better than me. I feel bad. I also feel bad about how depressed she is right now..and the cuts on her wrists..yes our good girl katie has cuts on her wrists. But somehow cutting never seemed so serious when it was me...but when it comes to her I just wanna cry. I really do care about what happens to her, and with her leaving next friday and all.

Ok, and after that my computer teacher bitched about me not turning in my refrences or my letter of recomendation for my resume. I talked to her and told her I didnt have anyone to write the letter. she said "theres nobody in Brown city that knows you well enough to write less than a page about you?" I said no and she said "I know your new and all..but if you dont know not even ONE person enough for them to say a few good things thats kinda sad.." I just said "yes...it really is...but its the truth". SO, I finally told her I would ask Mrs.Burowski because everyone kinda hates her, but I think we get along really well and I like her. So I guess she emailed Mrs. Burowski about that and natually of course I forgot to ask her for it. But, Mrs Burowski came and gave it to me. Which surprised me because i hadn't even asked her yet, then she explained Mrs Geiger had emailed her and told her I would probably be asking about it. When I read it, it actually made me feel good. She wrote that I was really honest, reliabe, responable, and that I always treated her with respect. She went on talking about how I was a good person, that I actively participated in classroom discusions, and I worked well with who ever she put me with. She went on and on, it was way longer than it needed to be. It was actually really nice. I'll post it on here tomarrow because I left it at school. So that made me feel good.

I went to go give it to Mrs.Geiger and she smiled and squeeled, yes squeeled and claped...did I mention the squeeling? it was crazy..how happy she was. Yes, naturally I was a little bit scared to say the least, because you all know about me and happy people....but she was all happy and stuff.

7th hour was fun, directive study...minus the "directive". I went to science, we had a sub in there, that old guy (alisha you know who Im talkin about...the one that said we were both going to hell...) so yea. I went in there and talked to Hope, Katie, Dwight, Kris(kinda hot one..yea...) and some other kid I forgot his name. Mostly I talked to Dwight. He was sending major hints today..it was crazy. lol. I told him that me and stevene were not going out. Then he told me he didnt like Jessika like everyone thinks and then he said he was dogsitting for his aunt this weekend it marlette..and he was gonna be there ALL weekend alone (hint hint) and hes like.."so yea..PARTY!" Im like "for real? Im coming..." hes like "aright" then Im like "is there really gonna be a party?" hes like "yea..but ur gonna be the only one there...and me"
lol...ohh some party. So 7th hour was fun.

Of course when i get home it all gets shitty..but hey shit happens. I have a stomach ache (of course) and a headache (surprise surprise...) and an earache..damn...I feel like I have a feavor or something. I am seriously going to the doctor soon...cuz this sick, and headache stuff has been going on for way to long. But yea..over all today I learned alot even though It may not sound like it..and it was pretty much a good day.

Im not ok

Tue, 10 May 2005 21:51:01 GMT

Damn...I cried all my makeup away...

what my name means

Tue, 10 May 2005 19:19:22 GMT

ALYSIA
A	is for	Alert
L	is for	Legendary
Y	is for	Young
S	is for	Skillful
I	is for	Intense
A	is for	Arty

What Does Your Name Mean?

food for thought..

Tue, 10 May 2005 14:25:38 GMT

hmm...mabye theres more to philosophy then I've given credit to..

Philosophy, n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
Ambrose Bierce
but mabye thats the best we're gonna get anyways..a road from nowhere to nothing. I mean..what else could we expect? ah..

My advice to you is not to inquire why or whither, but just enjoy your ice cream while it's on your plate -- that's my philosophy.
Thornton Wilder
how true is that. If something great or of importance happens. Why would you need excuses or reasons? just take it while its there and make the best of it. Dont regret your decisions or the result of your actions, just make the best of it.

We should be careful and discriminating in all the advice we give. We should be especially careful in giving advice that we would not think of following ourselves. Most of all, we ought to avoid giving counsel which we don't follow when it damages those who take us at our word.
Adlai Stevenson
Dont tell people to make smart decisions when you dont yourself. Dont tell people not to fuck up like you..when you did. Don't give advice you dont believe is true, for when they use it back against you its only gonna hurt more. My sister being a perfect example of this,as is my mom.

well, I will stop boring you. Must turn off my brain and stop thinking...

oww

Tue, 10 May 2005 13:59:50 GMT

didn't go to school today, but I still gotta fuck load of shit to do. i dont feel like doing anything. I feel like shit, well not really, I feel happy but sick. Im gonna throw up...ugh...

oh man

Mon, 09 May 2005 01:53:20 GMT

Have you ever been scared by your own thoughts? Why do I hurt everyone around me so much? Why do I make my mom cry. Not only do I make her cry, but on mothers day. And why is it I cant tell the people that I love, that I love them? and I know that hurts them more...god. Mabye cuz I dont really love them. Bad things happen when there are no drugs...

The banner - Crash kills brown city girl, Her mom and brother,12 are critical

Sun, 08 May 2005 22:17:50 GMT

Brown City Elementary School students adn staff were greiving the loss of a fourth-grade classmate Friday who was known for her perma grin

Nayomey Kincaid, 9, of Brown City and a fourth grader in Dawn Kalbfleisch's class was killed in a three-vehicle crash at 3:05 pm Thursday in Imlay City township.

Brown city Elementary School Pricipal Doug Muxlow said Friday morning that Nayomey was a well-liked student. "Nayomey always had a smile on her face, she had lots of different friends adn all the kids liked her. She was a good kid and an active young lady in Girl Scouts and Little League. Several times on her report cards, there was a comment by her teacher that she was a pleasure to have in class. Anytime it happens, its a tragedy."

While the districts crises team composed of counslers, teacher and a minister were helping the school cope Friday, Muxlow said all of the students parents in Nayomey's class were notified the day before.

The crash that killed Nayomey happened on Imlay ciry road neear Dorn Road in Lapeer county's Imlay ciry township.

A 1993 Pontiac drive by Damon Childers 19, a Sandusky graduate and serviceman, and his passenger and wife, Joana Childers, 18, was stopped in the roadway waiting to make a left turn into a driveway. The Childers' vehicle was rear-ended by a semi-truck driven by Donald Rodzos, 50 of Capac. Both of the Childers were transported by Lapeer County EMS to Lapeer reginal hospital.

After the collision the eastbound truck veered into the westbound lane and collided head on with a 1994 Plymouth Voyager driven by Teena Kincaid, 39. The front seat passenger, Nayomey Kicaid, was dead at the scene. The rear seat passenger, Jack Kincaid Jr.,12, Teena's son and Nayomey's brother, was in critical condition from ijuries sustained. Both the driver and her son were transported to Hurley Hostpital in Flint by Med Flight Helicopter.

....blah

As were leaving the hospital, Jack says "hey, be careful, so you dont end up like me."

survey

Sun, 08 May 2005 22:01:09 GMT

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Alysia
Birthday:	7-9
Birthplace:	Mt Clemins, Mi
Current Location:	BROWN CITY
Eye Color:	changes with weather...hazel..sometimes blue
Hair Color:	Brown
Height:	5' 7.5" hehe
Right Handed or Left Handed:	right
Your Heritage:	uhm..white? french..
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Black and pink etnies
Your Weakness:	people, bees, crowds, people looking at me
Your Fears:	^ people, bees, crowds
Your Perfect Pizza:	not a big fan of pizza, but pepperoni
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	figure some stuff out (not being specific)
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	LMAO or ....
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Where am I? WHAT time is it?
Your Best Physical Feature:	eyes, legs
Your Bedtime:	psh...wtf? uhm....6 am?
Your Most Missed Memory:	being happy
Pepsi or Coke:	coke
MacDonalds or Burger King:	eh...neither...Mcdonalds I guess
Single or Group Dates:	single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	neither
Chocolate or Vanilla:	hm..chocolate makes me twitch
Cappuccino or Coffee:	neither...idk
Do you Smoke:	*um...looks at calender* not today...**
Do you Swear:	yea
Do you Sing:	NOOOO..lol
Do you Shower Daily:	yup
Have you Been in Love:	mabye....looks around
Do you want to go to College:	yea..probably
Do you want to get Married:	yea
Do you belive in yourself:	not really
Do you get Motion Sickness:	sometimes
Do you think you are Attractive:	uhm...no
Are you a Health Freak:	no
Do you get along with your Parents:	no..definately not
Do you like Thunderstorms:	yes
Do you play an Instrument:	no
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	yea..of course
In the past month have you Smoked:	cigarettes? or pot? oh well is a yea for both..he
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	yup..only a few times...
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	uhm..no
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yea
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	no
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	no
In the past month have you been on Stage:	no
In the past month have you been Dumped:	no
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no..that sounds fun...lmao
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	yea
Ever been Drunk:	of course
Ever been called a Tease:	nope
Ever been Beaten up:	hm..no
Ever Shoplifted:	yea
How do you want to Die:	DRUG OVERDOSE!!!
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	crackwhore...lol..no, uhm...a writer! lol...
What country would you most like to Visit:	England...france?
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	blue, green
Favourite Hair Color:	dark
Short or Long Hair:	depends on the guy
Height:	uhm...idk
Weight:	not too short
Best Clothing Style:	not prep
Number of Drugs I have taken:	wait...for me or the guy? oh well..me? uhm...no comment
Number of CDs I own:	not alot...
Number of Piercings:	me? well...idk if my lip counts anymore, but 5
Number of Tattoos:	none...tatoos on guys are hot though
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	all of it
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

OMFG

Fri, 06 May 2005 01:17:10 GMT

one dead, two in critical condition. Holy fuck..I cant believe she's dead. Im still in a sort of shock right now..my face is numb and im really nervous. They dont think Jack and Tina are gonna make it..fuck I hope they do..they have to. Jack is in critical condition in Imlay city hospital, and is having some internal organs removed. OMG..school tomarrow is gonna be hell. i feel so bad for Shawn and Tony..they were close to Neomi(sp?), and now shes gone....damn.

haha..bed

Thu, 05 May 2005 21:44:58 GMT

Homework is not an option. My bed is sending out serious nap rays. I can't help myself. The fluffy pillows and warm comforter are more powerful than I am. I have no choice to snuggle under the covers.

laura...

Thu, 05 May 2005 01:36:50 GMT

StreetRacr606: awwww
StreetRacr606: alysia!!
StreetRacr606: im teary eyed
Alysia4848: lol
StreetRacr606: i love you too nigger!
Alysia4848: lo.
Alysia4848: MEXICAN...not nigger
Alysia4848: lol
StreetRacr606: fine, mexican nigger
StreetRacr606: lol
Alysia4848: lol
Alysia4848: I seriously do that though..when Im doing somethin or im with someone..and I dont know what to say I always think "damn...laura would know what to say, she would have some random, funny thing to make it all better"

StreetRacr606: dude i do the same thing! i'll be sitting at lunch and want to say something compltely stupid, but know no one will find it funny and try to remember to tell you about it because i know you'll love me even if im a complete loser
StreetRacr606: *grins* we should get married
StreetRacr606: lol
Alysia4848: lol
Alysia4848: we should jsut grow up..and marry other people, but live next door to eachother and still be best friends
StreetRacr606: hell yeah! but i think our husbands will leave us because we annoyed the hell out of them with our odd stories
StreetRacr606: boycot micky 'ds biotch
Alysia4848: lol
Alysia4848: not if I find a funny, mexican guy..someone like michael..he would never leave because of that..he would jsut laugh with us..
Alysia4848: I cant believe I just said something about marrying Michael...oh god lol
StreetRacr606: omg
Alysia4848: lol
StreetRacr606: micheal
Alysia4848: dude...
Alysia4848: damnit
StreetRacr606: lol your gonna marry him
StreetRacr606: i'll marry my mexican friend jose
Alysia4848: lol
Alysia4848: Michael...*sighs*
Alysia4848: i dont know why i like him so much...
Alysia4848: hes not even cute really
Alysia4848: hes just soo damn funny, and nice
StreetRacr606: and mexican
StreetRacr606: lol
StreetRacr606: from what i heard he seems like the shit
StreetRacr606: lol hes tight
StreetRacr606: lol
Alysia4848: lol
Alysia4848: he is
Alysia4848: Id do him
Alysia4848: lol
StreetRacr606: lol ME TOO!
Alysia4848: lol
Alysia4848: he would do me just for my eyes
StreetRacr606: 3 some all the way
Alysia4848: lmao
StreetRacr606: lol your eyes
StreetRacr606: i love your eyes too
StreetRacr606: and your tits
StreetRacr606: and your body
StreetRacr606: lmao
Alysia4848: lol
StreetRacr606: not that i wanna stalk you or anything
Alysia4848: lol
Alysia4848: of course not..
Alysia4848: damn...I wish michael was still around as much as he used to be...Ive realized lately how I like him alot
Alysia4848: damnit
Alysia4848: lol
Alysia4848: but oh well...
StreetRacr606: lol i he the next vinney?
Alysia4848: no...vinney...he was a mistake...I never should have liked vinney
Alysia4848: lol
Alysia4848: Michael...Ive known him since I was like 5...
Alysia4848: hes seen my in my underwear
Alysia4848: lol
StreetRacr606: EWWW
StreetRacr606: lol
StreetRacr606: dirty girl
Alysia4848: lol
Alysia4848: i kow
StreetRacr606: i've seen you in your underwear
StreetRacr606: lmfao
StreetRacr606: so do you like me?
StreetRacr606: *rolls*
Alysia4848: lol
Alysia4848: I do
Alysia4848: lol
Alysia4848: ur the bestest friend ever
Alysia4848: lol
StreetRacr606: your my bestest bestest sexyest horniest friend ever
StreetRacr606: lol im always horny
Alysia4848: lol
StreetRacr606: yet you get more action then me damnit
Alysia4848: nah..Im sure you get more action then i do
StreetRacr606: from my dog though
Alysia4848: lol

LAURA

Thu, 05 May 2005 00:55:07 GMT

Laura called today, in the midddle of my bad week. It helped, and it cheered me up. It was fun because Its jsut fun how we like tell eachother stories, then it always reminds us of somehtin else and then.. that just leads to somehtin else to..I like that. Lol. I like how I can just tell her all the funny stuff thats happend lately, and it feels ok, if im tellin it to anyone else It just makes me feel like Im talking to much. damn..I love you nigger..your the best!, sometimes I just am doing somethin, and all I can think about is what you would do, or how Im gonna tell you as soon as i talk to you again, but I usually end up forgeting. lol. I LOVE YOU ANYWAYS

back in that mood

Wed, 04 May 2005 01:19:25 GMT

back in the mood where, the next thing/person that pisses me off even slightly shall prepare to be casturated, severly beaten, and burned. Yup, Im in that good of a mood. I dont know how I fuck up so badly, even with stuff that should be so simple. I just dont remember how to do it...anything. I dont know. I wrote a letter, mostly to my parents about how they make me feel and stuff that I plan to leave when I leave. Sometimes I dont even know whats wrong with me but little things just set me off. So, I had a bad day, just like every other day for the last week. My dad tells me to clean the house, and I tell him I have homework. He started bitching and im like "well...ok Ill make you happy and clean the house then Ill just fail my classes, drop out and become a loser, so mabye you can be happy, Ill be just like all of you" He once again yelled, as if thats gonna help and hes like "well the house WILL be clean too" and he says it in a way that hurts and I know hes serious because its a yell and I cant take yelling. You dont know how bad I just wanted to burst into tears and run away, I cant really explain why. But I didnt I looked away and I smiled as a sarcastic smile, which pissed him off. So I got out of the truck and walked away..as I was leaving my dad says (as he often does, not so serious just to break the ice) "Im gonna slap you hard". But I was not in the mood for joking so I said, bring it, you ever touch me and you'll be sorry. He seemed not only mad by this remark but also hurt. They he only says "oh you think so?" I say "yea, thats right, you wanna try it" I was not kidding, and I knew he could tell I was serious. I left. I went to my room and wrote a letter to him, and just started crying. I hate it when I let myself cry, I try so hard, but I just cant. So I know I wont sleep again tonight..but oh well. I have to clean anyways...

by the way also add apple to the growing list of things not to eat if I plan on doing anything or even living. GOD DAMN. Along with donuts from sunday and chocolate. OMG..I almost died, but oh well if i did.So so far here goes

DO NOT EAT
1.milk
2.eggs
3.cheese
4.bannanas
5.DONUTS(THIS ONE IS IMPORTANT...ITS LIKE I HAVE MINITURE SEIZURES)
6.chocolate (same as donuts...sugar is deadly)
7.meat
8.fries
9.anything with grease

so whats left you ask? IDK You tell me.

FUCK....

I cant wait to just be gone.

(and no im not PMSing by the way) since steven so kindly asked me because I didnt want anything to do with him today.

reality

Tue, 03 May 2005 10:30:33 GMT

sometimes reality is only real if you let it be...

They know, they just dont care

Wed, 27 Apr 2005 03:46:54 GMT

Well...I havent gotten brave enough to post anything I wrote on here in a long time...and Idk why I am now..but here goes.
Yes folks, this is what i do when I should be sleeping...

You know, You just don't care

Go through today, just another Hell.
Same old shit, sometimes I just wanna quit.
Just let it go, let it go
Watch the bloode run, let it flow.
Go, go, go.
Mabye no one will know.
But they will, they know, they just don't care.
Look at them, just walking, fixed expressions.
They're zombies, never showing emotion.
They know, they just don't care.
Pass me on the street, quicken pace, turn away
Because you know, you must, but you just don't care.
If you look the other way, mabye I will just go away.
You take one look at me. you know who I am.
Is that true? Do you know?
You dont know. You think you do. But you don't even care.
'Look at that poor girl, those bruises. Those scars. She must be beat'
But you run away because, you know
she'll do the same to you,
because that's all she knows.
YOu know, they all do, but you just don't care.
We're all different. What a joke. You are all the same.
Go through life, don't give a damn.
Happy. Living a fairy tale.
Until one day. Something goes wrong.
Happy ever after?
But...we skipped a chapter.
We must have, somethings wrong.
This isn't how its supposed to be.
This isn't. This can't be me, I just dont agree.
Mabye, when they're all gone, and there's no one else.
You've lost everyone.
THen mabye, you will look again.
Look, and dont only see, but care.
The poor girl, and all the pain she bares.
The one in all black, standing alone in the back.
Theres more then you see, if you look, if you only would care.
As for her piercings, they're only an escape.
Feel the pain, let it burn.
Take me away, more pain than I can convey.
Look at me, make me real.
Just so you can feel some of my pain.
I try to make it go away, but I can only create more.
By watching it pour. THe bloode. More, more, more.
Let me escape, for this life is more than I cant take
This, they all know, but they just dont care.
I make my final wound.
Make it deep, my pain is something I'm not willing to keep.
Watch the bloode run...let if flow...
Go, go, go
Now you are only left.
One day you will realize...that they do know, they all do.
They know, they just don't care.

NOT FULLY EDITED AND STUFF...BUT, YOU GET THE POINT...